Regarding Mothers.

May 6, 2011

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After reading Joslyn's post the other day about the privilege and honor of being a mother, I got sucked into All Things Mom on the Internet.  There are some beautiful photos and writings out there right now, in case you're interested.  (I've posted a few favorite photos here that I've been pinning on pinterest lately.)
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For sure check out Tory Burch's blog, as Joslyn suggests.  There are some sweet stories about moms and daughters (and a few sons) and some great photos too (the one of Christy Turlington and her two small children SLAYS me).
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But I'll be honest.  All of the mother tributes and sweet memories make me a little sad deep down.  My relationship with my own mother is quite complicated (I'm not sure this is even a very accurate description, as my friends in real life can attest).  
There are many regrets, lots of unresolved issues, just a lot of sadness really.   I read once that each person in this life has one area of great pain....and this, dear reader, is mine.  (Deep breath.  Exhale.)
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But.  I realized in reading those stories on Tory Burch's blog that there are many, many beautiful and sacred (to me) things that my mother taught me and my brother and sisters.  Here are just a few.

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She taught us how to appreciate and take pleasure in the small stuff in life: the first cup of coffee in the morning, sitting in the sun on the deck in the afternoon, kneading bread, walking on the beach....the little things that make up a big, rich life.  She taught us to never, ever look down on someone based on race, disability, income level, their physical appearance.  She truly does not believe she is better than anyone else (and I think this is rare in a person nowadays).  If you are sick, there is no one, I repeat no one, that will take better care of you.  She is a nurturer extraordinaire.  She taught us to take pride in work that we did at home.  She honored her role as mother and wife and did not see it as demeaning in the slightest.  She taught us that things do not matter.  What matters most in this life has nothing to do with something you can buy.  She made things with her hands.  Lots of things: clothes, food, toys, crafts.  I get my great interest and enjoyment in food directly from her.  She taught me that one of the greatest pleasures in life is feeding a group of your loved ones.  She did all sorts of things with her life that had nothing to do with what her own parents did.  She sort of reinvented herself, you could say.  She doesn't live her life in default mode.  She was a world class birther of babies....I was born breach at home unassisted (unless you count my dad being there), my brother was born at home after and hour and a half of labor, and my two sisters in birthing centers.  She had something like a total of 18 hours of labor for 4 kids.  You read that right.  She always impressed on me how powerful and transformative birth and motherhood were for her.  She could never watch a birth scene in a movie without crying, which is the same for me now.  Nothing moved her quite like childbirth, I believe, and this is the same for me now too.
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As it turns out, all of these things I hope to pass along someday to my own children.  I hope all of you moms out there have the loveliest weekend, and please, please, love those babies up.  What an honor and great privilege it is to spend life with these small people.
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{via....tara's photography by the way is utterly divine!)
xoxoxo

22 comments:

  1. Beautiful! Tears...

    Have a wonderful Mothers Day.

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  2. Amazing, brave and beautiful post, Jora.

    Have a rich, full Mother's Day!

    Katie

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  3. Beautiful post - Thanks for sharing.

    Happy Mothers Day to you too.

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  4. I'm so glad to read this today. Mother's Day is difficult for me for the same reason; a complicated relationship. I can completely relate to the weird and frustrating duality of the difficult parts and the really wonderful parts. Thanks for the honesty of this post.

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  5. OK, blinking away the tears in my eyes. That birth scene photo + your brave words. I somehow sensed an untold story with your mom, can't explain--maybe your lack of mentioning her much before. But on a day when all is (supposed to be) flowers and smiles, it's true that our mother-daughter relationships are so complicated. For all sorts of different reasons. Your reasons... mine (deep love clouded with disease, loss, regret) & others and others. I admire you for writing this. Have a beautiful day xoxo

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  6. brave & lovely post, thank you. Mother/daughters are often not all sunshine and roses, are they...

    the crying mum with new baby gives me goosebumps. beautiful pics, happy mother's day

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  7. Every single one of those photos slay me. Happy Mother's Day, Jora.

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  8. A wonderful post and gorgeous photography too. I shall be missing my mum this year particularly, as she passed away just 2 months ago. I shall remember all the good times we shared.

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  9. Love this post so much. Happy Mother's Day.

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  10. This was really lovely, Jora. I think it takes a great woman to find all of the beauty in something so complex and strained or even somewhat damaged relationship. :( I hope one day you and your mother will find peace. And thank you for sharing something so personal.

    Happy Mother's Day, my friend. xx

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  11. This is amazing Jora. And just what I needed. I have been avoiding the internet because the mother's day posts are difficult for me. My relationship with my mother is painful and difficult. It always has been. This time of year is incredibly hard for me. Since becoming a mother, it feels even more complicated. I thought it would make me a little more understanding...and perhaps it has. I try to focus on the positives and I am able to. I'd be lying if I said it isn't a struggle to do it.
    Thanks for this post. It helps to steer my thoughts a bit.
    Have a wonderful Mother's Day.
    Best,
    Tina

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  12. what an amazing post. and the photos are to die. this post makes mea really miss nursing. i think i will now spend the morning looking at the links such as tory burch's blog. thank you for sharing mama.

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  13. An absolutely beautiful post Jora. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with us.

    Have a very happy mother's day. :)

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  14. A lovely post Jora...we should talk more about this subject...

    xo

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  15. Jora
    this is beautful...stunning.

    and you know, i have a hunch that even the most seemingly normal mother/daughter relationships are, well...complicated.

    but just so you know, i am with you sister.

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  16. Beautiful post. I loved all of your photographs and would like to visit your site to re-pin them but the link you posted above only directs to the main site and not your own personal pinning site! If it were linked to you then I would definitely re-pin all of them FYI!

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  17. Now you've done it- I'm all teary. Lovely post. I'll give you a hug next time I see you.

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  18. What a gorgeous collection of photos and words. Beautiful.

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  19. wow i love this post. and i love the photos!!! are those all from google? i seriously need to up my image-hunting skills. but more to the point-----my relationship with my mom is so complicated and there's so much sadness. reading this today was perfect because lately i've been scared that i'm going to pass on to my baby some of the sadness and resistance and conflict because it's not all resolved with her. your kids seem totally amazing so i have hope!:)
    thank you thank you

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  20. These photos were so incredibly sweet. Loved them all.

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