confessions.

October 4, 2011

1.  I continue to dislike family dinner very much.  There is complaining about the food (C-Man and Juju), arguing/pestering (between the same two), spills (usually Little E) and other huge messes.  B is usually still working when the kids need to eat (5 p.m.) so it's usually just me overseeing the chaos.  I don't like it one bit.  Someone please tell me why the experts have decided Family Dinner Together Always and Forever is the single biggest indicator of a child's health, happiness and professional success.  I mean really.  We are together all the time.  We eat breakfast and other meals together.  Isn't that enough??  Sorry.  I guess I needed to get it off my chest.

2.  I feel a little guilty about how much I am enjoying Little E.  She can do no wrong in my book.  It is true she is an easy baby/toddler, but I know it has a lot to do with her being #3 and my last baby.  I wasn't able to enjoy and relax the others as babies like I am her and I feel a bit bad about it.

3.  When I get a break from the kids (by either having a sitter or B watch them), I come back and am just as easily frustrated by them.  It seems I would have more patience, a renewed energy, fresh perspective, but really it feels like I was never away.

4.  I am scared to take a Bikram Yoga class (pouring sweating and getting yelled at?), but a friend of mine is begging me to do so and swears by them.  Anyone?  Thoughts?

5.  I'm having trouble finding the desire and time to blog when there is Pinterest and Instagram to entertain me.  If you're looking for me, I am probably over here or hanging out as "missjora" on IG.  (Let's follow each other!)

Anything to get off your chest, or am I the only one?

Other confessions here.  

45 comments:

  1. 1. Family dinner has never been our best time. I was just talking to Ryan about this over the weekend. Always bickering... always complaining (or holding back the complaining and then uncomfortably picking through the food)...) I'm glad you shared this, because I always read about how wonderful everyone's family dinner time is.

    2. Sending you an email...

    {don't worry, it'll be a short one :)}

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear you on most of those. I don't get breakfast or lunch with the kids so we do try for dinner every night and that goes well, but we've had a ton of bickering the rest of the time. And I have a special weakness for my youngest, too. I feel like I play favorites but he just seems still like my little baby. I can only imagine I'd be worse if I had a third :) My confession: I am traveling so much I feel like I should do more w/my kids this week when I am home but I'm dying for a movie date night with my husband. Seems selfish but we could use some time alone.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, dear. It's been a little rough around here, too. Expectations, etc.

    Grumble.

    Don't know if you'll take it, but I'm handing you a pass on family dinner for a while. Sometimes these "should do" things aren't worth it if you're going crazy. Happy parent-happy kid, etc. I vote for saving your dinner till later and pairing it with an enormous glass of wine. At least for a while.

    My confession? A little like your #2. I'd like to have my "last baby" asap, and I'm already way too wistful about it being the "last time" for everything. Doesn't seem healthy.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. #1 we have the same problem over here. I usually make two meals, one for the kids who eat early and one for jason and I. I have been trying to just make one dinner for all of us and then they won't eat it. So frustrating. Last night they didn't like the food so, Porter didn't eat and Liesl end up eating a banana and pear for dinner, ugh.
    #3 I feel the same way
    #4 i want to try a class but am so scared I will pass out.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't remember where, but I read a study that eating a meal together as a family is what is important, and that there is nothing special about dinner specifically. So breakfast and/or lunch would work just as well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This made me smile, sometimes you feel like you're the only mom who feels crazed. Every night before I fall asleep I am so grateful for a brand new day! # 3 is my favorite, so true

    Thanks so much for sharing

    best
    Nicolle
    visiting from
    www.jackandsalma.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Current week's confessions (because they are not consistent Thank goodness!): (1) I find myself dreaming of when the baby is 4 not 1 and makes less messes... (2) I love to smoke a rolled up tobacco cigarette on occasion (3) I check Facebook too often (4) John Stewart really pissed me off when he covered the Occupy Wall Street story with such a bland air (5) I have not opened the book on my bed side in 3 evenings because I am exhausted at 8:15 PM ......

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for this post. I'm currently staring at a pile of laundry and other things that need to be done and I just don't have the energy. We had Waldorf parent/child today, so I feel like I should be baking bread or knitting something, but here I sit reading blogs instead. My other confession? When I go out for the night with my husband or friends, I love it. I don't mull over if my son is ok . . . I just enjoy myself. Apparently lots of my mom friends mull. Also, bikram will make you feel AWESOME. Tired, but really good. I do it sporadically and am always glad when I go.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love your confessions. I can relate to your frustration with all of these. Also? My confession of the day is that I like that I am sick because it's the one time that nobody will give me any grief about lounging on the couch and watching Felicity on Netflix all day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this. Feels good to let it all out, doesn't it? Growing up we often ate family dinner without my dad (he worked late) and despite fighting and drama family dinner is still one of my favorite memories from childhood. Also, I cannot stand bikram. I love hot yoga (I do hatha in a heated studio, rather, my perfect self does when she has time) but there is something about getting yelled at in a hot room that just doesn't lift my spirits. Same reason I won't do boot camp.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh how I love your confessions! Im with ya on number #4. Yoga is hard enough without heat or yelling, thats just crazy. Sounds like torture. Go get a massage instead, you deserve it! xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. 1. family dinner growing up could be really terrible. my dad was a no elbows on the table freak and it could really bring down the mood. i don't think it's something that you HAVE to do.

    2. don't feel guilty. enjoy every minute of it.

    3. as you know i don't have kids, but i've had this experience with other things and i find it's best to give myself a break and feel grateful for the moments that i'm not feeling negative. it seems to make the good stuff grow.

    4. try it, you might like it. i think it can be a little too ridged for me, but the experience is kind of crazy. usually makes for a good story...

    5. i hear that.

    ------

    confession: i feel so tired. i don't want to make dinner right now. in fact i have no ideas. i'm tapped.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your third confession is so right on... Why is that so true? I sometimes come home more annoyed for some reason...
    Oh wait... it is because the house is even more of a mess than when I left... Not sure it is worth it sometimes...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Confession time...dinner was a venti hazelnut latte and donut, my new boss is straight from Officespace, I'm never home to do domestic wifely things so I'm hiring a cleaning service, I want to be on pinterest but don't know if I'm cool enough to request the invitation, cooking is so foreign to me I feel clueless grocery shopping, there are never enough hours in the day (kids or no kids).

    ReplyDelete
  15. I like (but get bored with) bikram yoga. I started with bikram and changed to a vinyasa style yoga that is hot. Vinyasa is more flow and less rigid than the 20something moves repeated in bikram.

    As for the heat, I prefer hot yoga. The heat relaxes you and automatically warms up your body for stretching. You'll stretch further than ever in the heat (and be super sore because of it). I also am of the mindset if I don't sweat, I don't get a great workout and if I'm going to spend an hour and $15 it better be worth my time. I can relax when I sleep.

    Confession: I haven't been to yoga in a very long time.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are clearly a great, mama -- so do NOT stress about the little areas where you might not fit into the child health experts ideals. :)

    That said, I think the act of getting everyone to sit down together for a meal is a powerful thing. Of course, it's not easy nor perfect! (Anyone that has grown up with a large family can attest to this, right?) But, I believe (like most things in life) the sooner you can start, it will set a precedent for the future. My picky children regularly make me want to slam my head into the stove while I'm cooking dinner! But... when I finally sit down with my family and the dinner that I've prepared, there is a moment where all the chaos of the day melts away and those 30-60 minutes centered around food (and wine) are worth it to me! Lastly, I find that when I don't sit down with the children, I tend to eat standing up at the counter -- and that is just not a good way to eat, full stop.

    As for enjoying E, ummm.... how could you not? She's the sweetest thing ever. I can totally imagine that knowing she's the last one CHANGES EVERYTHING. I am still holding out.

    Finally... Bikram. Oh my! I hate to sound lame, but I wrote a post about my one and only Bikram visit like 4 years ago and it has been my #1 most Googled/Read/Commented-On post ever! I'd recommend reading it for two reasons. First, you get my opinion. ;) For what it's worth, I've been studying yoga for many, many years and was giving an honest reaction after a first visit. Second, a TON of people have also given their input, which has been very interesting to say the least. (http://one80three60.blogspot.com/2007/10/bikram-yoga-review.html) OR, just go try it. Like Desi said, it makes for a good story.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, all of this, but especially #3. And I'm a full-time lawyer outside the home. There is a part of Allison Pearson's book about working motherhood where the main character talks about how she misses her children and wants to be with them when she's at work, but then when she's with them, "their need is just so very needy." Something like that. And that is exactly how I feel much of the time. For what it's worth, your lifestyle is so inspiring to me (and I am following you on Pinterest!)--and it's a relief to hear that other people are struggling with family dinner, too.

    My stress release is running, not yoga. I like the alone time, and I guess I should confess that I'm too competitive to really enjoy group exercise classes. I am always comparing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. wow your number 2 confession mirrored my exact thoughts on the way to drop kids at school this a.m. I glimpsed my 3rd daughter in the rear view mirror and thought how i enjoy my time with her and had a little twinge of guilt! i think it's definitely being able to relax and enjoy! makes me want another :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I second everything you said except the part about Bikram yoga. I think I might be the only person on the planet who loathes yoga, which might actually be my confession.

    Oh and my house...disaster. When will I get it together?

    ReplyDelete
  20. You know, looking back, family dinner was stressful with us too. I think it was because by the end of the day, we were cranky/tired from school, my parents were cranky/tired from work, and it was just...ugh.

    I also feel zero relief after a break or vacation.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Re #5: please continue to blog if you can. You are so good at it and write so nicely and always have something interesting to share.

    Re #1: My husband and I have two kiddos, whom I love madly. We all eat together every evening. It is usually not at ALL relaxing, however, and it is sometimes actually the worst part of my day, because of behavior issues, the messiness, all the prep and clean-up, etc. Work prevents me from breakfasting with the kddos, so it's important to me that we gather together each evening. Even so, part of me often thinks longingly of a fictional lifestyle that is so not ours: the kind where the children eat dinner in the nursery with their French governess, while we parents have a civilized dinner elsewhere in the manor.

    jbhat

    ReplyDelete
  22. #1, I'm not a mom, but I'm almost 23 and living at home with my parents and I still hate family dinner (mostly because my parents yell at me about not having a proper job yet. because 'recession+art history degree' aren't good enough reasons. oy). I think when I have kids, I will probably dread 5pm.
    #4 I took bikram yoga and the next day I felt AMAZING. I swear, it was like all the toxins had been sweated out of me and my skin was GLOWING. However, the class was traumatizing because the instructor was super mean , and called me out in front of the entire room when I tried to leave because I thought I was going to pass out. I spent the next 30 minutes just laying on the floor. Soooo...there's that. But if your friend loves the instructor I say do it!
    #5 the day I joined pinterest I stayed up until 3am pinning. True Story.

    ReplyDelete
  23. p.s. Now that I think about it, don't do Bikram yoga. I just spent the past several minutes reliving my misery. Do you have any "hot yoga" places near you? I think that might be best :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Family dinners are the same in our house. Usually me dealing with the pestering, lazy eating haibts, moaning, tiredness etc! Its driving me crazy!

    ReplyDelete
  25. This post made my hell morning (yikes is it afternoon already?) better. I was beginning to feel like everything was a little too perfect in your world and it's reassuring to know that you struggle too! (although I am sorry, because it is so hard sometimes).

    1. Family dinner--ugh! i agree. Maybe skip it a couple nights a week for some sanity? That's what I'm thinking. I think it's a good compromise.

    2. I don't feel relaxed at all with my second (and last baby)...more anxious than ever. I need to do something about it now. Don't feel guilty. Embrace the relaxed feeling. (neither of mine were/are easy-- i feel guilty because I want one of those easy babies!)

    3. same here

    4. I'm a yoga teacher and love yoga, but I'm not crazy about bikram. Everyone has a different experience though. Don't be scared to try it once. I wasn't yelled at, but it was crazy hot.

    5. I know what you mean. I enjoy following you on both!

    ReplyDelete
  26. mm i've just added you on IG. definitely harder to keep up with the blog and everything else when it's around. pinterest i can take or leave lately. sometimes it makes me feel like i am not being creative or well-dressed enough, ha.

    oh and i just heard of stickygram where you can order 9 IG magnets for 14.99. definitely doing that for some stocking stuffers this year.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Just read your FAQs too...love it. Thanks for helping me feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Just finished a family dinner that went as always: I rushed home from work to prepare a home-cooked meal, I got it on the table just barely on time, Maia took one look at it and proclaimed in a totally disgusted fashion "I DON'T LIKE IT!" I insisted she take a bite just to try it and she took the tiniest itsy bitsy bite which she promptly spit onto her plate while screaming THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!! meanwhile, Lise is enjoying the meal but throwing half of it on the floor and rubbing the other half all over her face. and Gil is yelling at everyone in Spanish. Super good times. Oh and by the way, this meal was basically pasta covered in bread drums and proscuitto - not exactly kale and broccoli. What is the point really?

    Re Bikram, I am going to Core Power Yoga as much as I can which I think is preferable to Bikram. It is heated so you sweat and detox but I believe it is not quite as hot as Bikram and just seems more sanitary. My friend's husband does Bikram every day and he got a nasty skin condition from all the sweating that literally took like 5 rounds of antibiotics to kill.

    ReplyDelete
  29. do the yoga!!!! it is soooooo wonderful. it will help with #3

    ReplyDelete
  30. I really think the family dinners will work out better in about 5 years when your kids are a little older. :) In the meantime, don't feel bad about it. You're a great mom, obviously. I work full time and can't wait to see my adorable son at the end of the day, but after an hour I am ready to put him to bed and drink wine. Isn't that terrible? Also, I did ashtanga yoga for years and love it,(not very active with it in the past 2 years since I've been pregnant, etc) but HATED Bikram. Seriously, the room is disgustingly hot. But you never know, some people love it and you might too! I say try it and see. And report back. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Confessions are the best because you realize half the moms in the world have the exact same confessions. Sign me up as also finding family dinners with young kids the most unrewarding experience on planet earth. Also, I enjoy my third kid and tiny toddler most of all. She's chill, I'm chill, and I don't know which came first and caused the other. I go to a hot yoga studio called Sumit Hot Yoga that's the perfect incarnation of Bikram. There's really upbeat pop music to get you through the heat and even though I know yogis would die at the thought of Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars all up in their zen experience, I think it beats listening to the dictator-esque instructor in a typical Bikram format. Hot yoga will make you feel more calm than a babysitter. Plus, it does amazing things for your arm muscles.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Family dinner can be stressful and is always chaotic, but I still love it. I find that if I read something fun to the boys (funny poetry or strange science facts,) they get through dinner much quicker and with way less complaining and bickering because they are engrossed in the reading.

    I have the same problem with taking breaks from the kids and upon return, instantly returning to my previous state. I'm thinking my breaks are not long enough? Planning on a long break sometime soon. France maybe? Want to join me?

    Yoga and sweating? Yes, always yes. You can not go wrong with that combination.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think family dinner is important for families to connect, when they haven't seen each other all day, but it is not necessarily a be-all, end-all for raising good, successful kids. Families who have family dinners have their sh*t together in other ways, and the family dinners are a by-product of that lifestyle. In other words, it is a correlation, not a cause and effect relationship. As far as the rest of it - E is delicious, the other kids are fine and happy, and you just need longer breaks! :) As for Bikram? Give it a try - you might like it. I didn't but that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ummm I love love this post. I have been talking to my friends lately about how hardly any moms are honest and they pretend like raising children is 100% fun which in turn makes normal moms feel like they're doing something wrong. So THANK YOU for posting this!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. I totally get the enjoying the 3rd one. My 3rd was the easiest sweetest baby and at 14 still is the easiest sweetest teenage girl. Be SO happy and feel blessed. The family dinners balance the enjoyment of the sweet baby. Opposition in all things, right?

    As for Bikram, I have been horrified by all things yoga my entire life and I ran a marathon last spring. With that I have also endured many running injuries because of my lack of flexibility. I decided to jump in with both feet (bikram), what's the worst that could happen? I am 5 weeks into going 3 x's per week and all running injuries have disappeared. I sleep better, am a much more patient mom (of 5) and sweat my ass off. I won't lie, the first few classes sucked big time! But look at it this way, if you never try, you'll never know and the worst that could happen is you will have some great material to confess about next time. My vote is to absolutely go for it!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Maybe we can face Bikram yoga together, get a sitter to watch the littles & have coffee after so we can rant about how insane it was. -Mel

    ReplyDelete
  37. You are my hero!! I wish there were more confessions blogging!!
    #1 - dinner time - ugh - mu husband gets home at 7pm and so I have to navigate dinner, bedtime, baths cranky kids alone and I can't even manage dinner right now - plus by the time he gets home I'm super mad that he works so late..
    #2 - maybe I need to have 3 so I can relax more - haha
    #3 - totally!!
    #4 - kundalini is my yoga of choice
    #5 - blogging is exhausting for me right now - taking a break...plus pinterest, twitter and instagram are instant gratification ;)

    ReplyDelete
  38. i totally relate to dinner time. it works best for me to feed the kids first and then eat with hubby when he's done with work.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Yes, family dinner can be very stressful. I believe it is important to eat with both parents to get the maximum benefit. It is the one time of day when you can all sit together and talk about your days, when daddy can find out what happened at school and what the kids are interested in - for the kids to know that both parents are interested in them and love them. Having that relationship base with both parents will help them feel comfortable when they need to ask one of you about the important things that come up.
    I give my kids a snack so they can make it until dinner time. It will still be stressful. There will still be whining about what you're serving and fighting between siblings, but it's worth it in the long run.

    ReplyDelete
  40. so excited to have just discovered your blog! i am so thrilled that you found me via simple lovely and reached out. confessions the best post i have read in ages, what an amazing idea! it seems like it would be therapeutic for you and was incredibly comforting for me to read, what a success! cant wait to read more!
    ps. i checked out your house tour on sl and im kind of obsessed!

    ReplyDelete
  41. oh and i totally forgot........go for the bikram! even if you don't love it, you will appreciate the experience of going through it. my advice, go three times before you make a decision. i think it is the worst/best workout, it's pretty amazing! good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I hear you on those - I'm always battling to find time to blog. I actually really enjoy it but I always get distracted. And is it bad to start getting wound up the minute I present a lovingly made nutritious meal to the 3 year old to the words 'this is YUK! I want pasta!'

    Glad to have found your blog through the 'Law of Attraction' blog X

    ReplyDelete
  43. Bikram is AMAZING! I wish I had the extra cash to do it (it's pricey over here in Houston!)! I did it for two weeks before I got married and it was amazingly cleansing. It is exhausting and you must definitely do it without solid food in your belly cuz that heat can make ya feel a little barfy. Just sayin'...
    I hear ya on the blogging- I am not into it when I can pinterest everything I like. sigh. However, I do enjoy reading your blog THOUGHTS not just pics. :)

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...